15 Funny Christmas Quotes

Date:05-12-2013 11:40:27 read:3

This Christmas have fun and enjoy to the fullest! Fun is an integral part of Christmas as you spend good times with your family and friends. So, to add to the occasion, here are some funny quotes just for you. Read on to spread the cheer.

1. “Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?” – Tom Armstrong

2. “Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.” - W.C. Fields

3. “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmas time. Mature, responsible grown men wear neck ties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” - P.J. O’Rourke

4. “Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller

5. “When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?” – G.K. Chesterton

6. “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – Jay Leno

7. “Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.” – Richard Lamm

8. “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

9. “There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” – Bob Phillips

10. “No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.” – Emma Bombeck

11. “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” – Bernard Manning

12. “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

13. “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Anonymous

14. “I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark.” – Dick Gregory

15. “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson

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